2004-03-23
Tell me if i am wrong but is it normal for someone to fart while they are talking to you and just ignore that fact?.......I think not!!, even in our household; me and 2 boys, if someone farts there is normally a loud cry of.."Oh my god that stinks", or "Ohhhh OTIS!!!", or "your so disgusting Seamus", or "Mum that's bad!!"....something, it just never goes unnoticed.Ok, so day 1 of working, sitting there talking to this woman who just let go!,, not just one but 2 damn her. I was waiting for "oh excuse me.." , or "oh sorry i'm have a chronic bowl problem", or "I ate something last night that doesn't agree with me". No nothing. It is just such a natural instinct within me to say something, i had to bite my tongue hard not to, and then followed by the sound, yes the smell......oh my god it smelt bad!!!
I am working at Brisbane Catholic Education Resource Centre in the ICT department, tucked away in this corner, working on the data base for the intranet.
I am one of 10 children, yes of course my parents were catholic, my mother no less was dragged from the last stages of making her vows to be a nun by my father. She was therefore committed to having a large family.
So i had a very catholic upbringing brainwashed from a very early age. This meant going to mass every Sunday, confession whenevery my mother felt we needed it (at least once a month). What a trauma that was making lies to keep the priest happy that you had sins to confess. I think i still know them;
1. I told some lies (like right now)
2. I back answered my mother.
3. I had bad thoughts towards my 9 bothers and sisters.
4. I didn't say my prayers the other night (acutally i don't every remember saying them before bed)
5. Whatever else i could think of.
6. I had some dirty thoughts...(this one i never said again cause the priest really wanted to get to the nitty gritty of those, he was disappointed when i said "oh i just wanted to really hurt my little sister", i'm sure he was looking for something much more juicy than that.
We even went to mass almost every week day morning. I offered up anything and everything to the holy souls, i do remember once even having candle wax poured on me by my girlfriends bother and him say with a snear on his face....."offer it up to the holy soles", and i did of course. So i guess what i am trying to say is that brain washing was very strong. I rebelled against it of course and in catholic terms i'm what they call "lapsed" (poor poor soul).
It took me a long time to get over all that guilt and work through those things that were of course forbidden venial or mortal sins. I'm not sure which one masturbation fits under but it was a biggie that's all i remember. Anyway thank goodness i let all that go.
But here i sit at these files that contain things stipulating the rules of catholism in schools. I can't really at this point in time recall any of them. I think i've blocked it out and don't want to recall them or i don't want to be brainwashed again. The imagery at the workplace is so very catholic as well. There is Jesus, Mary and Joseph hanging on every wall. Holy spirits, doves and stars hang liberally, i even saw a 'Prayer room'.
It's creeping back in........
There are hundereds of workers there and i think i've met about 5 Mary's 2 Helen's, 1 Peter, 3 Paul's and 4 Luke's with last names like O'Brien, Flynn, Callagahan and Williams. I feel like i am seeing faces from the past. They are all linked somehow i can't put my finger on it yet but i will.
I don't care, I'm divorced, a sole parent with sexual desires, with children in the public school system, I don't go to mass, i don't go to confession, i'm not giving up anything for lent and most of all i'm not giving up mastabation!!! And through all of that i know i'm being smiled at.....tee hee Clarebear
all text is the � of Ms Do