2004-07-08
At 1.30am this morning I received a phone call from my niece T. She was screaming into the phone saying, �I want to JUST come home, I�m really scared�. Screaming, crying and totally distressed. �He hit me and he tried to choke me, I�m really scared�. Not the kind of phone call anyone wants to receive at any time of day or night. There was nothing I could do but talk to her and suppress my own fears and not cry.T you see came to live with me sometime last year, a 20year old gorgeous girl that has had a terrible shitty life that she exposed to me, cause for the first time in her life she felt safe enough to be exposed. Her parents (my brother) being her father split when she was only about 6 or 7. My brother abandoned them, that is all I can describe it as. My sister-in-law brought those kids up on her own while he lived the life of an expat in PNG.
He was always a moody bastard as a children, a bully and mean as mean can be. He I guess coped not so well with the loss of our father, nobody does really. He was sent to boarding school and yes he�s a victim of abuse from those freaking catholic brothers. He�s done the full circle and now he is a perpetrator of abuse to none other than my niece, his daughter, yes T. God knows I�ve always defended him against my other siblings trying to understand his shitty life, but I can�t anymore, I just can�t he�s a stupid bastard that needs to take time out and seek help.
When she was staying with me I realised something was going on when I noticed those horrible cut marks on her wrist. Deep welts of pure pain and release. It became obvious after I probed when taking her to the Dr. that she too is now a victim of abuse. Yes by no less her father, my brother. So hard to type that line�.I could not cope with this on my own and I rang her mother that flat out denied it and would not believe it. Of course I realise she has to take that stand cause really it does fall on her shoulders. The mother told me it would never happen, even when I said, �was your relationship with him abusive?, did he hit you? Did he verbally abuse you? Yes yes and she recounted endless stories. Why then would she not believe the next step in that cycle�..shakes head.
T ended up going back to live with her mother which I realise was not the right place for her. But I could not help her, I put her on a path to counselling but even within those walls of supposed safety her mother leaked in and somehow the arsehole Dr told her that it was not true.
So there you have a really confused girl wanting to have some sort of a relationship with either of her parents. Her mother is doing the tough love thingy and her father is incapable of any real relationships. Even though he�s remarried and has started another family that he unleashes his abuse on. It made me sick to hear that he was really wanting a baby girl�.he got his wish! That little girl is only 6 months old, god help her!
So T made the trek to PNG thinking that she was doing the right thing, she�s been there for 3 weeks and last night was the proof that she no longer needs to pursue anything with her father. I talked to her for a few hours on the phone and calmed her down because her mother hung up on her�.and she�s right her Mum did hang up and even took the phone off the hook. I could not contact her last night. Shakes head.
Today I feel like I�m back to that space in time when I realised my brother abused her as a child. I am there again, not knowing what to do and helpless. Never in a million years did I think this would happen in my family. The only thing I can do is meet T at the airport and bundle her up in my loving arms and try and ease her pain. I don�t know how and I don�t know what with. I�m going to have to dig deep again to help her.
Please if anyone is receiving any sort of abuse; be it mental, verbal, physical or sexual get the fuck out. It�s not worth the hell. Seek help to break the cycle. Anyone one else that can feel my pain please say a prayer for my niece, my family and even my brother. It�s a fucked up world and I�m guessing my brother has to pay excess baggage that reaches into the millions of dollars.
You can choose your friends but you can�t choose your family.
all text is the � of Ms Do