2006-07-13
My MotherShe has a will of iron
She is doing as well as can be expected. She looks nothing like her former self. She had the hip operation and was back at the nursing home after a week. They have realised that now one leg is shorter than the other and they think the hip my have twisted. She eats like a bird and drinks even less. She has lost a considerable amount of weight and looks very thin. She is almost unrecognisable, she can�t really move by herself. She has forgotten that drinking water is vital to survival. They now have a fluid chart in place so they track how much she drinks. If they relied on her for that she would not drink. She has forgotten many things.
When she speaks you know she has something she wants to say but by the time it gets from the initial impulse to coming out her mouth there is no connection. She ends up using some words that make sense but most of it doesn�t. She speaks very cryptically and I don�t have the answer to these puzzles, I just don�t understand. So what happened is I did most of the talking and spoke about things we had done, what is going on in my life, I just chatted constantly. At one point she had a moment of clarity and said �So Clare, how are things with you?� as clear as a bell. By the time I got over the shock and started talking she had forgotten. It�s just hard, but I feel like I�ve become a bit disconnected from her for my own survival. I don�t know if this is good or bad but I guess that�s how I cope with feeding her and talking to her even though she is not there.
My Children
I had 6 days off over the school holidays. I worked two days in the week and had 3 days off each of the two weeks. I now know why I go to work. I had forgotten. Its way too hard to work from home Seamus just didn�t get that concept because I was there and visible he thought I should be at his beck and call. It was hard work working from home. I�m cured of that little venture. Maybe if they are sick that would be good but otherwise no. Otis was fine and he is easy. If I tell him I�m at work he understands and leaves me alone.
The boys and I went to GI to visit Mum, when we arrived we went straight to the nursing home and Mum was asleep in her bed. She had her mouth open and she looked really thin. She looked like your classic frail old lady and the boys did not want to go back and visit her the entire time we were there.
I�m glad to be back at work and glad the boys are back at school.
I know I have grown use to getting the breaks I get from my children when they are with their Dad. I shouldn�t say break, it�s suppose to be father parenting time. Anyway thing is he decided to have a holiday over the entire school holiday period. (An ongoing issue he and I have. He has them 2 weeks of the year for holidays. I have them the rest. I can�t do it. I only have 4 holidays a year and there are 12 weeks to cover. He has to step up.) This meant for me in effect that I have not had a break from them for over 4 weeks. Yes normal for some and I�m sorry for you but for me it is not normal. I function knowing I have that time at the weekends for me to be able to recharge my batteries to take on the week again. I�m so looking forward to them going to their Dad�s this weekend.
My Return from GI
On my return from GI I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I got home and had the pressure of having to go away for the weekend with a g/f and her family. 2 parents to one child ratio and my ratio is one parent to 2 children. And the girlfriend tells me that her mother had cooked a big lasagne and that was the meal she was doing for the kids, she doesn�t cook and said that her partner would cook one evening meal, which meant in effect she did nothing, but I had to come up with a meal for the kids and one for the adults alone. Normally this would not faze me but it just felt like too much work. This meant that I would be coming home on a Sunday night with a pile of washing and having to start the working week on the back foot. Not might idea of a relaxing time when you know there is a huge amount of stress to get there and the same on the return. Plus I had no money. So I had to tell her. That was the first phone call.
Then I see on my kitchen bench is a new lease. The landlord has put the rent up. I was expecting that but I still don�t like the idea. He had marked it on the lease as a lot more and then put in a clause to reduce it to the correct amount and placed all these other clauses in. I tried to contact him, no go! He called back and by that time I didn�t have the energy to speak to him so I said I would call him in the morning.
Then P rings to say he would like to come over. I was so washed up emotionally and cranky that I told him that it might not be a good idea and he should stay away until I�d at least had a sleep.
My Lover
He arrived the next day with food for lunch for the boys and I. He made us lunch then left as I was working from home. He asked if he could come back that evening. When he did come back that evening he had a big bunch of flowers for me. Thank god I have him in my life. He kind of softens the blow.
P and I are going to meet a couple of his friends on Friday night on the coast. We are having a BBQ on the waters edge, staying in a motel then coming back slowly on Saturday. I�m looking forward to that I don�t have to do a thing expect be me.
I like him more each day.
all text is the � of Ms Do