2004-07-24
Saturday morning and I feel refreshed and alive my house however is feeling a little worse for wear. It took a serve beating on Thursday night. The text messages started at about 6pm expressing D�s desires of what he wanted to do. And yes of course I responded with equally wicked suggestions even though I was in deep domestic hell, which happens every Thursday night. I have a list a mile long to be able to get the boys packed up, fed, homework, showered and ready to transfer them in a very calm transition to their dad. That�s what shows on the surface to them, however they have no idea of the mental countdown that�s happening in my head and what the hours after they leave have installed for me.I�m sure though in retrospect that they must notice me taking a shower, pampering the body and getting dressed not in PJ�s but a new set of clothes. Anyway it doesn�t matter I am allowed and I have kind of for the first time expressed to them that I too deserve a life. Took quite a bit of talking and explaining for them to realise and be ok with it. Seamus the youngest put a very good argument only because 2 weeks ago when I got that message saying �Booked Flight� from D meant that I had to change my mind again about letting them stay here on the Friday night when that was when D was coming back from Townsville with me on his mind. You see I had organised a garage sale so that the boys could make some money. We gathered all this junk we had and they cleaned out their toys etc. They were pumped and excited to be staying a Friday night with me cause since we have been divorced they have always stayed at their Dad�s. So this last minute decision of D�s impacted on all of us and meant I had to come out of the cupboard with them and tell them that someone was coming and I had to tell them it was a man. Garage Sales start at about 6am so I had no hope of bundling D off in a taxi and sending him home. Normally I would do the �get-rid-of-the-evidence-that-mum-does-indeed-have-a-life� but I can feel a connection that only comes every so often so I outed myself to the boys.
They arrived the next morning, I was downstairs selling stuff to all those early dealers, D was sleeping soundly and the boys arrived with 100 questions. They both immediately went upstairs to find the evidence. I could hear them talking and they went straight to the source and were chatting to D. He was after all sleeping in my bed. It went really well to say the least and he left at about 9am and kissed me passionately in front of the boys. I know it sounds like it should be ok, but I am telling you they have never ever known about what goes on here after they go to their Dad�s. I made a vow that I would not have a list of men coming in and out of their lives. So for me this was huge (6 years of secret sex from the boys). I have just wanted them to have stability and constant love from me. I have counselled them in lots of issues particularly when their Dad found a girlfriend. I�ve encouraged everything and been positive about that relationship in the hope that it might have a follow on effect for when I decided I wanted that too. I�m not saying for one minute I think I�m there with D. I�m in a place now and so are the boys that I think they would be able to cope with me having a companion. That mother son relationship is so very strong. All you men out there do you still love your mum? I want that to continue.
Otis my eldest who as you all must be aware has Asperger�s and in him it manifests in being emotional and extremely intuitive and sensitive. Actually both my boys are sensitive beings. Well he came to me the other day with that look on his face when he get choked with emotion and said���Mum its just I�m worried that if you had a boyfriend, you might not love us as much��.see my fear verbalised. So the next 20 mins were about unconditional love and not being able to transfer it to other people and the bond of mother and son being unbreakable.
Ok I think I�ve convinced myself�.smile. So after getting the boys ready and their dad arriving right on 8. I get a text from D saying, �coast clear?� As I walked down the back stairs with the last load of crap they haul from my place to their dads I sent off �yes�. I came up stairs and just about to take a breath and at the front door is D. He tells me that he arrived just as the boys drove round the corner so they would have seen him if he saw them. He had a bottle of red wine and that was the second thing I did after that big kiss hello, I poured us both a glass and we sat down and chatted and laughed and well really that bottle of wine was gone very quickly.
He always insists that I please wear a low cut top cause my boobs should not be hidden away, �way to beautiful� for that. Yes his words! Of course I comply with that small request. I had jeans on and he said �Please Ms Do go put a skirt on (he knows I never wear undies�no never) I want free access to Joy� (nickname for my pussy, don�t you all have a name for her??) Yes so there I am dressed in my dress-up sex gear after lots of playing and teasing and he says right we are going out to a pub to have another drink. �Not like this I�m not�, �why not you look wonderful and nothing more exciting for me to show you off�. A bit of compromise went down and I put back on jeans. So there I was with my breast hanging free with this flimsy top on that opens to my navel and we are in a cab and he�s got me in such a state with his hand down my pants I can�t even think clearly. Next thing I know I�m walking to a pub full of men and I�m laughing and he�s whispering nasty things at me and as I walk over to the bar I caught my reflection in the mirrors behind the bar and there they are my boobs like I�ve never seen them before. Just as that thought enters my head he says��yes they look great and everyone else thinks so too� I looked around totally unaware of all those eyes fixed on me. I tell you I don�t show my sexuality when I go out, I know the consequences of that, and I�ve always hidden it. Well not on Thursday night it was out there for everyone to see. For me to be ok with it I had to just have my back to the others and just concentrate on D, now that was easy. We just laughed and joked and I was me, that sensual woman I am, in public for the first time. It was great.
We really wanted just a bottle of wine to take home and couldn�t because the bottle shop was closed. We ordered a bottle of red and had one glass and by that time I was ready for the fridge adventure my mind was not on what D was talking about at all. He stopped mid sentence and said �that boring hey? Ok we are out of here� we discussed how we should be leaving with that bottle of wine. I flashed a bit of extra flesh and D put the bottle under his coat and we left.
Walking in the back door the first thing you see is the monster fridge and that�s were it began. We opened the fridge inspected its contents. Remember its winter here; I�d left the oven on at 250F and the heater on so the house was warm. I�d also stocked the fridge with passionfruit, blueberries, cream, custard and other delights. So there we were naked in front of the fridge covered in cream and custard and we began eating from each other�s bodies. It was a great night. I think we fell into bed around 3am�that was the last time I was aware of the time anyway.
I woke at 6.30am thinking how tired I was and how I was possibly going to work for the day then D opens his eyes and we are at it again�. fuck I love that he can�t keep his hands off me. That was enough energy to get me through the day. At one point during the night we were in my naughty draw and he asked me to put on a push-up bra. I did of course but my boobs are big enough with a push-up bra they just slide out of it. They have a mind of their own. I told him he made me feel very sexy and he said, �don�t let anyone tell you your not sexy Ms Do, your dead sexy girl� Music to my ears�finally someone who sees me as I am.
D�s off back up Townsville to finish up what he should have done last time he was there. Two weeks without, remains to be seen what happens now. But the thing I�ve learned most, with all my adventures is, it will happen if it�s going to and he knows where I am. So I�m just going to use that virtue I have called �patience�. He�d be a fool to walk away now and if he does so be it!!!
Ok have to go clean up the cream on the kitchen floor the red wine from the bedroom, and pick up that collection of clothes flung across the lounge room.
all text is the � of Ms Do