2005-01-30
Last night, well where do I start. I must tell you straight up I�m exhausted, so this will just becoming out without any filters (not that I ever have them) so here goes.Went to the movies with L again and saw �Million Dollar Baby�. We went back to Centro at James Street and had a drink before hand and this time went to a different bar and I can tell you it was much better than the last time, in fact it was extremely pleasant so much so we missed the first 5 mins of the movie.
We arrived late and had to sit separately which was fine no big deal until I had tears running down my face and my throat was throbbing from swallowing so much emotion. It really over took me and had I been sitting at least one seat away from each of the person I was jammed up against I would have just sobbed as per usual�.
We left the movies both of us feeling a little overcome with grief we decided a drink would be great. There was only room at the bar to sit so we took our positions for the night. L sat next to the single guy I pushed her too, I could not be bothered dealing with another man.
We all chatted for ages, I had to keep getting up to go outside for a bloody cigarette these new laws are pushing me to actually make that move to give up. And as I�ve told you L is having a rough time in her marriage.
L and S exchanged life stories I sat and listened and I knew where it was headed. L has listened to too many of my stories and she has been married for the last 20 years and still is. So in the end it was about L and her decision as to whether she could deal with the morning after. She didn�t want me to leave�.god I wanted to leave�.it was late I was not drinking like she was and I was totally not interested in what S had to say. Frankly I�ve met several of those kinds of men before. I also found it frustrating that I could not discuss books or movies with him cause he doesn�t read or write�. yes he has some sort of disorder, which makes him illiterate. It just excluded a lot of interesting talk for me�.
Anyway they finally decided that they should go and as we were rounding the corner to the car L decided that she was not going to go with him. He looked hurt and I offered him a lift home. We drove to his house and realised that he was living in one of the apartments on the river, which use to be a huge wool store. L and I have discussed them at length driven past them and here was S living in one.
We decided to go in (yes I�m sure he was thinking he was going to score a 3 some) he had no coffee, no food, no milk, nothing perishable at all. I had to change the toilet roll in the bathroom (a pet hate of mine) and search for toilet paper before I could pee. The apartment was a loft one with no windows yes that�s right no window. It was really a hole in the wall and very disappointing.
They were busy flirting and I kept myself amused. He had a $10,000 pushbike and I�ve always been fascinated with those tight arse�s that balance on their bikes at stop lights and wonder why they don�t put their foot down. I�ve even seen one guy fall over sideways, cause he couldn�t get his foot down fast enough. So naturally I wanted to straddle the bike and wear the shoes and see how difficult it was to disconnect the shoe from the pedal. It was easy I have no idea why someone would prefer to fall over sideways then just put their bloody foot on the ground.
S had bought a Panasonic MP3 player and was determined to get the radio working. I could not stand his technical incompetence and offered to help. I read the instructions he had no music loaded on it. I offered to download some stuff from his computer, another thing he doesn�t use or as he said �I�m not good with that either� I don�t mean to be rude but if you can�t read or write why would you have a new beaut laptop?? I also informed him that there was no radio function on the MP3 player�. rolls eyes.
I flopped on the bed in loft and fell asleep in disbelief. I woke about 1 1/2 later aware that L had to be home to her husband and bursting for a pee. I had to ask if I could come down from the loft not wanting to bloody well interrupt anything. Talk about feeling like a third wheel.
After another hour of them cuddling I�d had enough so we left. I told L that I should not have been there and I should have gone home. �No you were my safety net, thankyou�.
�Well was he a good kisser?� I asked as we walked outside�
�Yeah not too bad� tilting her head to the side
�It was just all that swallowing��. this did not sink in and I said �what?�
�You know the swallowing��I searched my memory banks for kissing and swallowing, I stopped I stared in disbelief
�Omg you gave him a blow job�
�Yeah and I don�t even do that for my husband�
�Well, was it good?�
�Yes I really liked it� she replied
�God I�m proud of you!!�
We laughed for a good 10 mins and made up her alibi for her husband and concurred on stories so as not to get caught out.
So I�ve had coffee with L today, she�s a total surprise package so meek and mild, it is the quite ones you have to watch. We talked out a lot of things and she�s at the moment seeing a psychologist because things are so bad for her. Her needs are not being met. She goes to see the psychologist tomorrow and will be coming by to pick up her son who now walks home with my boys every afternoon. From what I see and hear from L she's about to embark on something big yeah bigger than she really knows. She�s informed, she understands, she realises. She�s heard me talk she knows the road via me. Of course that�s not the same as walking it yourself.
S is in place, the ground rules have been laid, and she just has to make up her mind fully if she will leap into an affair with S. I feel excited, sad, confused and scared for her. I am L�s friend first and foremost but I do really feel for her husband she is about to leave behind. She�s going forward, she�s moved. It�s a big frigging leap I know I�ve done it. I am on the other side now and happy with where I am. It hasn�t been easy and all those who have done it understand�. it does take years.
I have another few things I have to tell you about, (1) �A� the man trying to bed me at the moment oh and (2) the air conditioning man. But they will have to wait, I�m tired and exhausted and the kids will be home soon and I have a lot to do to get ready for the week ahead.
Have a great week everyone.
all text is the � of Ms Do