2005-03-01
MARCH IS BITTER SWEET
Otis turns 13 on the 4th March
I turn 44 on the 19th March
I use to love March before I had children�cause the month was mine. I don�t mind sharing it with Otis at all, not one bit. It�s just those 4 days after he was born that sometimes throws me. Sometimes it passes without too much trauma, sometimes not. It�s always reflective. It normally starts about this time, 3 to 4 days before Otis and Declan were born. It hits hardest on the 9th.
I was a babe in the woods, totally huge for someone pregnant at 25 weeks with twins. I phoned in sick on this morning about 13 years ago. I wasn�t feeling right, felt kind of sick, and couldn�t put my finger on it, just felt odd. I went back to bed.
I woke with a back ache a bad back ache and the only sort of relief I could get from it was when I was on all fours holding the bed head with one arm. It would come and it would go, I just went with it. I thought how odd it was and thought SHIT is this what women do when they are in labour? I wasn�t sure, it couldn�t be, I was only 24 weeks pregnant. I looked like I was 38 but no I was only 24.
I got off the bed and went to the toilet and to my surprise I realised then and there yes I was in labour. I called my obstetrician, she told me to get to hospital. I rang my husband he was over an hour away. I rang my sister no answer, I rang my mother no answer, they had both gone down the coast to visit my other sister. I rang my husband�s parents. They arrived 15 mins later and took me to the hospital.
I still couldn�t believe I was in labour. I had monitors all over my belly and a nurse telling me 2 seconds before a contraction would come in. It was the most terrifying time of my life. I had to try and hold onto these babies and not be in labour. I had all kinds of drugs pumping through me to stop it happening. It did several times. They would pump 2 bags of some sort of relaxant (I can�t recall what it was call) but it would make my heart pump what felt like a 1000 beats per min. After 2 bags it would settle and they would stop the drugs. It would not be long again before it continued.
I don�t really have much of a recollection of what went on. I was in and out of labour for 4 days. It was a freaking blur. I do remember being so out of it with pain that I had past the point of what felt like no return. I�m sure I would have been screaming, hysterically, I know I was. Then this face happened to be right in front of me calling my name very gently that I heard it. I do remember thinking because I was unable to spesk, �oh god help me, I feel like I�m lost�, this midwife and I still remember her name Anne, said �listen to me and I will help�. I willing did as she told me I was so out of control I truly needed help. She was like an angel that dragged me back from hysteria.
One other thing I do remember was and I have no idea what day it was or how far into the labour it was but I felt like I had every freaking Dr in the hospital come have a feel and look inside. I was in a training hospital, no one had any idea why I was in labour, I was not dilating at all so I was a talking point I guess or a learning object. Then this poor unsuspecting Dr got into position to have a look, I�m telling you I was out of it on pain and pethidine. I�d had enough as I could take. I realised he was going to invade me once again and I yelled�.�Don�t you touch or I�ll kick�, he didn�t know me very well and continued. Poor bastard I kicked hard! He was annoyed, rolls eyes.
I would not allow them to give me an epidural, I felt it would be too easy for them to say, �ok lets take these babies out�, so I held on for as long as I could. Four days in total, in and out of labour. The pethidine was not working so they gave me some morphine. I remember turning to the my husband and saying, �Please just watch me cause I don�t think I�m going to be able to breath�, I had every man and his dog prodding me to try and keep me from falling into a deep, deep sleep, the only place I wanted to be was asleep at that stage. I don�t know how long it was after that but my husband and the Dr�s decided that the babies had to come out.
I had an emergency caesarean, five litres of fluid spilled onto the floor then Otis was born weighing 670grams and Declan was born 1 min later weighing 580 grams. I had taken them from 24 weeks to 25 weeks over those four days. It doesn�t sound like much but to babies at that age it means life and death.
I had a polyhydramnios (not sure of that spelling). It happens to like one in 2,000 identical twin pregnancies. What happened after that was a roller coaster ride from hell until 8.15am on the 9th March Declan took his last breath. The Dr�s cut all the tubes connected to him, he died in his father�s arms.
The roller coaster continued for another 18 weeks until Otis came home. There is a lot of detail that I could share with you but not now. I�ve hit March and it�s not the same as it was 14 years ago.
all text is the � of Ms Do