2005-06-05
It�s 6.30am Sunday morning and I�m awake. This is becoming a pattern, which I�m not very thrilled about. I�ve been worried sick I guess. I�ve had to find a house for us to move to. My rent has jumped $100 per week. I realise now I�ve been paying next to nothing while living here. It was suppose to just last me through University and I did have an inkling that I wanted to move, before next year, so that I could be closer to the Hight School that Otis needs to go to next year. It has an ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder Unit) and has a very good reputation. I guess I needed a push.I�m not sure exactly when it was a �Blind Moon�, which apparently only happens very now and again. I was reading my daily fix of Jonathan Cainer and he was saying that on this blind moon that was happening for 3 nights that if you wanted to wish for something now was the time not only because of the blind moon but because of the alignment of the planets. Well I did, but making that decision of what I was wishing for was difficult. Because as I�m sure you�re all aware you can make a wish but you have to be specific. That old saying �Careful what you wish for it may come true�, well after much discussion with A he advised me perhaps I should just wish for �GOOD�, and his words after that were, �cause if you do I will most certainly be in your life.� So that is in fact what I wished for �Good� three nights running I might add.
Since then I got notice to vacate the house, which sent me into an absolute tailspin and long search for new home. I spent the next week visiting places advertised for an extra $100 per week that I would not consider living in, even going inside to inspect was an episode I would not like to repeat in my life again. In short they were disgusting hovels. I got so frustrated that I decided to visit one that was $120 extra a week. I found one that I loved. It�s on a main road but right across the road is that High School, you can�t have everything I guess.
I spent the next 5 days haggling over the rent with the young man who is the Real Estate. He knew I was an excellent tenant, because I have lived in the one place for 6 years my only rental since I divorced. I have a glowing track record cause my house is always well presented. I like living in comfort with aesthetics without that I�m hell to live with. When we inspected the house the boys sat down with Scott, the owner and Real Estate dude, and chatted about all sorts of stuff and they told him which room they each wanted and Otis asked where he was going to have his workroom (he creates non stop). Scott showed him the little alcove, which he was using for an office. You see Scott not only got an intuitive sense of me but he got the same feeling about my darling boys.
He finally agreed to let me have it for the $100 extra plus move in on the long weekend rather than the weekend before. This may seem like no big deal but I spent the entire weekend after seeing that house crying because I knew I could not really afford it. Well I can pay the rent and the bills but that leaves me with nothing much to play with in case something else happens. In short I felt like I was going back to a financial time when I was really struggling at University.
I had to do all this crying in private so that the boys could not see me. I�ve had to pretend that everything is just fine and the move will be wonderful. Otis has been suffering from anxiety since he learned we were moving. I�ve had to counsel him through the move point out all the positive aspects. Both Otis and Seamus have had anxiety filled sleeps where they have not been able to fall asleep because they have been worried. I�ve put their fears to rest through lots of calming talking and now both of them are sleeping soundly every night. Me however, well I can�t seem to get to sleep and I wake at the crack of dawn thinking about all that has to be done in the next week.
I�m sitting here now with half the house packed up. I think I�ve counted about 30 boxes. I have a mini skip (dumpster) out the front, which is filling up with crap I�ve accumulated over the last 6 years. I�m purging big time here and it feels GOOD. I�m moving to a great new place freshly painted, polished floor boards, a deck, gorgeous garden, french doors from my bedroom on to the deck, workroom for Otis, huge bedroom for Seamus that can double as a games room. The house I visualised before I fell to sleep each night. It�s a GOOD house.
Everyday I have seek.com sent to three different emails with different profiles. You see I can�t live in this GOOD place unless I get an increase at my job or a new job. Work has been giving me hell. It�s been hellish. I�ve always said that I would stay a year get some experience and move on. I have been comfortable there and lulled into a false sense of security. My job has changed as they have seen me achieve, they have given me more to do. I�m at present in charge of pilot with a program called Objective to put in an Electronic Document Management program. It�s a fucking huge task with lots of change management involved and they believe even though I have been running the show for a good 3 months or more it is an �opportunity� and there would be no increase until there were �outcomes� to show for. In short they want to use my talents so they don�t have to employ someone at the standard rate.
Electronic Document and Records Management System (EDRMS) is sort of on a wave right now here in Oz and very unsexy. I went to a daylong workshop with it and the woman running it compared it to Teenage sex. �You don�t know if anyone else doing it but you can be assured if they are their doing it badly.� In short there are not that many people with experience and as luck or good management would have it I actually do have the experience.
While reading seek.com on Thursday morning there is this job that listed everything that I am currently doing in my job but not being paid for it. I ummmed and arrrred over ringing for 10 mins and made the call to the �PeopleBank� the agency. I spoke to some guy taking messages for Nicki the girl in charge of this particular job. I told him a bit about what I was doing. I told him that I would call her back because I didn�t want anyone to know what I was doing but gave him my mobile number. I had a message on my mobile Thursday, one hour after I had called and two on Friday morning. I took time out from my job and rang her back. We chatted for a while about what I was doing and told her about the pilot and how I was using Objective (and EDRMS program). She said that I sounded like I fitted the job perfectly and encouraged me to apply. Then she asked me what I would consider as a rate of pay. I told her I had no idea and what I was earning and that IT WAS JUST NOT ENOUGH! She told me what they were offering and I almost dropped dead on the spot. Its 26,000 more than I am getting. This is GOOD! Even if I don�t get this job I know now that I am worth much more than my current employers are giving me. And its at the place where 2 of the people attended the same workshop and one of them is the project leader�. smile. I even gave her my card that day for networking purposes not thinking much but I might be able to call her and ask for advise as they seemed a lot further ahead then my company is at.
All of a sudden the anxiety from moving house, which has resulted in GOOD, has now switched to me moving forward in my career. I know that there will be more anxiety associated with that and that�s ok cause it�s onwards and upwards from here. I can now clearly see that my time at University is on the verge of paying off. All the purging I�m doing with moving I�m passing over to my thoughts. I�m letting go of those words that my Ex use to say to me daily and replacing them with the opposite and here they are.
I am capable.
I am surviving on my own (very nicely I might add).
I do have an earning capacity.
I am independent.
I am financially successful.
And you my dearest Ex will still be paying me maintenance while I�m earning what I deserve. So stick that up your tight arse and smoke it!!!
IT�S ALL GOOD!!
all text is the � of Ms Do