2006-05-30
I am very low in energy at the moment. I had a friend and I use the word �friend� loosely here come and stay for the weekend with her 3 daughters all under the age 9. I had stopped visiting S because every time I left her place I felt absolutely drained and felt like all my positive energy had been taken. Well it happened again.I let S back into my life because she called from hospital saying her daughter had fallen and got a brain clot and they had to do brain surgery. I was there in a wink. I went up to the hospital every night to be with them and I was glad everything was ok.
I had no intention really of having sleep overs with her and her kids or mine. But somehow it happened, I�d forgotten what happens when she comes to stay or I go to her place. She arrived at 4 pm Saturday; the kids said they hated my new house. I had brought white wine, but she doesn�t drink white wine I had to go out and get red wine. The kids were immediately hungry I had to cook them sausages first. I then cooked dinner washed up and ran after her kids while she sat down the entire time and deferred any questions her children had to me �ask Ms Do�� was the most used words�.or �let Ms Do help�� another one. Her parenting skills are very different from mine. I did ask her before she came this time to check her kids hair for lice. I�ve had to do mine or the boys or even her own kids every time, yes every time, that is not an exaggeration, I�ve seen her
It wasn�t just that really. It�s that she has a very negative attitude and resents anyone that is doing better than her. I�ve worked really hard to be where I am it was a long road. I don�t like it when someone resents me for doing well. I felt like she pulled me down at every opportunity. She drained me dry of all my energy. I don�t have anything left.
This has left me completely unable to cope with almost anything. I still have to juggle everything and when one thing is turned upside down or sucked dry I loose my balance and all the balls begin to fall. That�s what is happening now. They are coming crumbling down.
Otis has 3 assignments due this week. The stress of that alone is enough to crumble anyone. He doesn�t cope with pressure and his stress becomes my stress. You have to witness it to believe it. Only another mother of a child with Aspergers truly knows what I�m talking about. You can go from zero to 100 in one second on the stress-o-meter and peak at that point for a good hour or more sometimes.
Then to top it all off school holidays is almost upon us and I get told from the boys father that he is taking holidays right in school holiday week and going away for the entire 2 weeks. This means I�ve had to organise holidays at work, emergency ones almost! It doesn�t look very professional at all. Really he is more a hindrance than a help.
I�ve had 5 phone calls from Otis this afternoon from the time he�s come home from school, rambling about his freaking assignment. I dealt with it last night, I dealt with it this morning, it�s started again this afternoon and I�m sure it will continue into the evening.
I�m running on empty�.
all text is the � of Ms Do