2007-04-11
Phil is suffering. He�s been sick really since he came back from England. It�s taken him at least a week to get over his jet lag but on top of that he�s got a chest infection. Because he is a nurse and it was over the Easter weekend he went to work and got a Doctor to give him a broad spectrum antibiotic.Anyway his chest infection is still with him and he�s taken a nose dive again. I told him to go to a Dr and stop self medicating and he is doing that today.
I tried pointing out to him this morning that he had to be kinder to himself and I�m talking mentally here. In the last 3 weeks he�s had to fly over to UK knowing his mother has died. He had to arrange the cremation, organise a funeral and attend that. Spend time with his sister, fly back to Australia. He�s has a bad flu/chest infection and he�s beating himself up cause he feels kind of flat.
Grieving alone can take its toll. He says he hasn�t really grieved and probably won�t. But the kind of grief he is talking about is the crying, whaling and gnashing of teeth (as he put it). I can see he�s grieving in his own way. I also feel that his body is grieving and that�s why he has this chest infection he can�t get rid of.
He�s started furiously cleaning; he gets up at crack of dawn and remains awake then comes back to bed and says something about his mother. I don�t know how to help him but be around. He�s started writing in his diary. I�ve never seen him do that, so I guess that is good.
He told me that this plays on his mind:
He called his mother one day before she went into hospital and she said �Philip can you call me back in 2 hours I�m exhausted?�
�Yes of course I will� he replied.
He didn�t follow through with that, time slipped away and the time difference meant that he was in bed and forgot. She went into hospital the next day and slipped into a coma before he could call. They were the last words that they spoke to one another.
What can I do for him?
I now know how helpless everyone must have felt when I was grieving for Declan. I do remember that it was the people that were open that helped me.
all text is the � of Ms Do